What it Means to be Sorry
The psychology of an apology does not always have to be as sophisticated and calculated as those in the political arena - read "Who's sorry now?". But sorry could be a hard word to utter when pride and prejudice are in the way. On the other extreme, when a person is stripped bare of her ego, perhaps a sincere apology is all it takes to heal a seemingly unhealable rift.
Indeed I don't always agree that "victims have longer memories than perpetrators: it is easier to forget than to forgive" (again, "Who's sorry now?"). Sometimes it may be the other way round - as the victim may be vindicated with a sincere apology, the sin may be forgiven but not forgotten (particularly by the perpetrator himself). Once inflicted with guilt and shame, the scar may stay. That is, of course, assuming the working of conscience in the perpetrator, as only someone with conscience bears the senses of guilt and shame.
As a matter of fact, I have had a remorseful experience over twenty years ago of shouting my little brother of ten years my junior to get out of my room. The conscience never stopped gnawing whenever the incident came to mind, despite the passage of time. I eventually succumbed to the call of decency a couple of weeks ago and repented. In a contrite sentiment, I recollected the episode to my little brother (who is no more little now) and expressed to him how sorry I have been feeling about my selfishness. To my amazement and relief, he did not recall any single trace of it at all. He did not seem to be feigning it for my dignity's sake. He tried hard to recall it but to no avail. So I was forgiven (I hope) but it was never forgotten (by me).
People who have watched "Flatliners" from almost twenty years ago may also feel for the sentiment of repentance. The movie depicted the intriguing revelation that the major sins committed in life come back instantaneously to haunt a person at the moment of his death. So all five medical students endeavored to find ways to make amends of past wrongdoings and, in the case of Kiefer Sutherland, even to such extent at the expense of his own life - almost. The message of the thriller is clear - everything a person does in her life matters.
Indeed I don't always agree that "victims have longer memories than perpetrators: it is easier to forget than to forgive" (again, "Who's sorry now?"). Sometimes it may be the other way round - as the victim may be vindicated with a sincere apology, the sin may be forgiven but not forgotten (particularly by the perpetrator himself). Once inflicted with guilt and shame, the scar may stay. That is, of course, assuming the working of conscience in the perpetrator, as only someone with conscience bears the senses of guilt and shame.
As a matter of fact, I have had a remorseful experience over twenty years ago of shouting my little brother of ten years my junior to get out of my room. The conscience never stopped gnawing whenever the incident came to mind, despite the passage of time. I eventually succumbed to the call of decency a couple of weeks ago and repented. In a contrite sentiment, I recollected the episode to my little brother (who is no more little now) and expressed to him how sorry I have been feeling about my selfishness. To my amazement and relief, he did not recall any single trace of it at all. He did not seem to be feigning it for my dignity's sake. He tried hard to recall it but to no avail. So I was forgiven (I hope) but it was never forgotten (by me).
People who have watched "Flatliners" from almost twenty years ago may also feel for the sentiment of repentance. The movie depicted the intriguing revelation that the major sins committed in life come back instantaneously to haunt a person at the moment of his death. So all five medical students endeavored to find ways to make amends of past wrongdoings and, in the case of Kiefer Sutherland, even to such extent at the expense of his own life - almost. The message of the thriller is clear - everything a person does in her life matters.
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