Reflection for Tranquility

As the journey through 2008 is soon coming to a close, some people may take stock of accomplishments during the year - of both success and failure. For myself, other than a short list of new year resolution, I did not really hold any unrealistically high expectation of achievement. But judged against even my modest list of resolution, my performance is more a cause for embarrassment than contentment.

Here is my humbling verdict:

• I completed reading 5 new books, read 3 new books half way, bought 1 book completely beyond my intelligence, and read 2 & half old books - a miss.
• I have been playing almost once every week but only broke 90 a couple of times (not even counting mulligans) to my memory, let alone the remote 80 - a miss.
• Other than understanding what I said in Chinese occasionally but responding in English, my effort in nationalizing her mother tongue failed miserably - a miss.
• I have been keeping up the discipline for my gym ritual rather consistently and just joined a new fitness club upon the expiry of the old one; I watch out for our diets; Kristie asks for my permission before savouring her occasional junk food - a hit.
• I did not spell out exactly what my life aspiration was - publishing books - which in reality probably has to wait till my professional retirement. But even in terms of preparation, I never got round to pin down any convincing themes for myself - a miss.
• I conceived of adopting a baby for the selfish reason of finding a sibling for my daughter but, perhaps being not wholehearted enough, never got really hands-on in the searching process other than a couple of phone calls and delegating the mission to my wife - a miss in both cause and action.

So it was one hit out of six tries - resolutions are to be broken as I thought. I shall simply make another new list in a few weeks time. But it was a year I couldn't complain much of. Other than a couple of months with misgiving in job satisfaction, and despite some challenging characters to deal with, my professional experience was spiritually rewarding most of the time.

There were of course conjugal tests every now and then, but good intent and repentance always healed rifts and saved the days.

While I yearn for more victorious moments of glory, I am grateful that there has been no real vaquishing predicament of shame - other than the haunting ghosts from past failures and blunders and, perhaps, a few pangs of agony to my vain ego from other people's success.

In any case, other than the metaphysics of cause and effect, a conviction of the invisible hands of fate and luck always helps to put mysteries (if not miseries) into perspectives. I move on with a peace of mind.